It was difficult to decide who to pair next for an Oscar celebrity fashion showdown out of the ‘Jennifer Aniston-Bradley Cooper-Jennifer Lopez-Ben Affleck-Gwyneth Paltrow-Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston-Brad Pitt-Angelina Jolie’ celebrity shag circle.
Golden girls Aniston and Paltrow came up trumps for a number of reasons. Brad’s exes have more in common than they’d (Gwyneth) would like to admit. Both Jen and Gwyneth got the express elevator to the top floor via deep seeded family connections in the entertainment business. They love to tan, not eat and bare way more skin than is appropriate for women circa 40.
Gwyneth’s super-bitchy comment back-in-the-day when Jen still had her hooks in Brad left no doubt about her jealousy, referring to Jen as ‘that tv girl’. The shoe is on the other foot now. Jennifer is top of the pile in the gossip stakes and has an actual movie, Wanderlust (albeit a bad one, allegedly), to promote at Oscar time. Gwyneth is now ‘that website girl’ with a boring husband and her tongue permanently lodged up Stella McCartney‘s behind.
So what will they wear? Whether it’s the event itself or post-game parties Jen and Gwyn will have their A game attention seeking on – we know what that means: over-tanned sinewy yoga limbs, over-exposed backs and tiny, shiny dresses.
Jennifer has had somewhat of a style revolution of recent: below knee length dresses, prints, shoulder straps and she’s even worn an actual shoe (as opposed to her usual barely-there strappy sandal). I’d like to say I have high hopes for her to wear an elegant long gown, even with a split and low cut, and fingers crossed for some colour:
Let’s face it, Jen’s not really a gown-girl. Sadly she will most likely roll out the metallic or black, short, shiny wagon. It’s her go-to and she’s got fierce competition (see celebrity shag circle above, and any picture of Angelina Jolie). If she goes the cocktail route, I hope she keeps it edgy by covering her arms or keeping the length at the knee:
Gwyneth will no doubt keep it long but will make up for covering the legs and keeping ‘the good china’ well under wraps with cut-outs. She is just so boring. I can rustle up a few looks but I have nothing else to say about her and her picture-perfect life at the top of the uninteresting pile.
Coming up: Best actress nominees, another Hollywood power player EX-off and, don’t you worry, we’re going to get to Angelina Jolie.