Whether you like it or not, the children are our future, so we felt it relevant to rip the kids’ fashion choices at the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards. Don’t worry it’s not all kids. Yesterday we covered the first batch of kids, and ‘grown-ups’ Heidi Klum and Jada Pinkett Smith. So lets see what sort of garb the rest of the chicas, and role models Katy Perry (smirks) and Michelle Obama paraded down orange carpet.
Everyone’s favourite cartoon character, Katy Perry shows us that she has put her time with Baps and high fashion behind her, in a look so ridiculously hideous, it makes me question my faith in fashion. How could anyone think this looks good? There is a chain of designer (Gerlan Jeans), business backing, stylist and ‘fashion icon’ in the mix here. How did this acid green sh*t make it this far up the chain?
What could be more all-American than a tanned, blonde wrestler and model in a blue mini-dress? Well this girl tops it. Her ‘ring’ name is Kelly Kelly. We sh*t you not. Incidentally this is a rare case of nude platform-ed peep-toe shoe working.
Although Kelly Osbourne is looking great physically, she over does the cutesy ’50s rockabilly thing. The Tony Ward dress was a good choice for a Nickelodeon event but maybe better suited to someone in their teens. Kelly has yet to show real talent in any quarter, so she remains a (wh)Y-List celebrity in my books.
I have no idea who you are but, Madison Pettis I applaud your young, hip coral colour story and ghetto gold.
The US X Factor’s cry baby, Rachel Crow is another example of a teenager who has no idea how to pick a shoe and goes for klunk by default. The dress looks home-made but the lace biker jacket is pretty fierce. Two out of three ain’t bad.
More klunk south of the ankles, this time on Kelsey Chow (?) with a dress made from a 10-year-old’s bedroom wallpaper.
For your half-time pleasure, it’s the five unlikely lads paying for Simon Cowell’s private retirement village. Give it up for One Direction, 5 cans of Elnett and the entire Tommy Hilfiger summer collection.
It’s possible her boyfriend Justin Beiber picked this outfit. Straight men want their women to look like cheerleaders and pin-up girls from any era. We are not loving this Selena Gomez, even though you steered clear of klunk.
This is a great look…for ME, a thirty-something year old wo-man. Far too mature for a 21-year-old Sarah Hyland at an event, perfectly described by Tom and Lorenzo as, ‘where Katy Perry is dressed like something you get out of a gumball machine‘.
A recent BOHO REPRO girl, Victoria Justice was no doubt going for Amanda Seyfried’s H&M red carpet look. That pink sits in the mature side of pinks so fits well in this shorted suit by Olsen twin’s label Elizabeth and James. Honestly I get the fem-bot little boy thing, Michelle Williams has been riding that street car for a good spell but Victoria lost us (and herself) in the shoe department. Great booties, but SO not for the 19-year-old in pink shorts.
We are losing count of blue mini-dresses at this thing. We are also losing count of badly chosen heavy shoes. In fairness, there isn’t a shoe in existence that would compliment that ugly print. Zoey Deutch was between a rock and a fug place.
Her parents are Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. That thoroughly explains the minefield of WTF going on here. Beneath Willow Smiths armour lies a Chanel dress, believe it or not.
People, we give you Michelle Obama, First Lady of the United States of America in…metallic skinny jeans. Mom-gunt aside, this is so fierce I keep closing my eyes to re-see it. I couldn’t love this sheer sequined hounds-tooth jacket by Wes Gordon more. Let’s not laugh at the Viacom executive wife in ‘early-Spears’.
And yes, fluttering moths, we saved the best for last. It’s the queen of faux reluctance.
Kristen Stewart has followed Rihanna’s lead and jumped on the Stella McCartney bandwagon. Another blue dress, this time expertly paired with matchy shoes. That colour is so bold it needed a neutral to calm it down. K-Stews feet look like they could dance away à la ’The Red Shoes’. They do not belong to this look or this girl. This was the time to break out a black, grey or metallic shoe-boot. I have to admit I am a little afraid of Kristen. Why does she always look so hostile?
So that wraps what the kids chose. Coming up, what the honky-tonk gals chose at the Academy of Country Music Awards.