FASHION x CELEBRITY: CHERYL SHARES HER LOVE OF SHOES BY THROWING EVERY TRICK IN THE BOOK AT YOUR FEET

Hey you guys, Cheryl Cole ain’t just coming back to our eyes and ears with a new single and video, but she’s trying to crawl her way on to our feet.

Come and get me, you naughty credit card.

We don’t know how we feel about someone who relies so heavily on a stylist sharing their taste in shoes with the masses, for profit. Oh hold on, we do. The shoes are hiddy and overpriced, and we can smell the hot glue-gun from here.

Although the boots, wedges and strappy peep-toes aren’t the cutting edge of fashion, we can see them getting the youth vote. And the chav vote. And the Abbey Clancy vote (is that the same vote technically?).

She's just a girl, like you, who's had her heart broken - and incidentally wants to sell you a pair of shoes.

Despite sugary-sex pop names and colours, the collection is very heavy and over-designed. In the case of every shoe she needed to edit ‘her’ ideas, employing more simplicity to let the details shine.

The unfortunate result is loud shoes in pretty colours. The upside of this exclusive partnership with Stylist Picks is that we get to ‘hear’ Cheryl’s dulcet tones in ‘her’ description and advice on how to style each shoe.

So let’s have a look at the collection, shall we, dears?

CANDY STICKS - Toe cap bow detail ankle boot £119.85

Cheryl says, ‘‘If Audrey Hepburn was a Noughties woman, I think she’d love this’. Didn’t the naughties end over two years ago? When did Audrey ever give the impression in her styling that she would be partial to looking a foot higher than her kitten heels dictated?

HUMBUG - Croc Panel ankle boot £119.85

Cheryl says, ‘‘My ultimate goes-with-everything summer boot’. Bah humbug to that. Summer is the time when the foot is set free of sweat and toe-jam. We’re told this shoe was based on a DFS couch.

MOJO - Colour block T-bar sandal £119.85

Cheryl says, ”A beautiful statement sandal – the block heel is so chic and so now’. She’s right it’s so now, it’s hot off Victoria Beckham’s spring runway, which was hot off Marc Jacobs and Roland Mouret. We can see Clancey clap her hands in delight at ruining Cheryl’s and Vicky’s prized fashion careers in one WAG-tastic shot. ‘I matched the orange with the orange, with the white with the white. I wonder if Coleen did any light grey bags for Littlewoods‘.

FRUIT SALAD - Colour block T-bar sandal £119.85

Cheryl says, ‘I love the detail on this sandal – the tan and coral go beautifully’. Was there a deadline problem where one shoe in varied shades was presented as two separate styles? Come ON Cheryl, get the whip out and work those design monkeys. We can’t help so far but feel worried about the visible scuff factor of this entire collection. These finishes and colours are mighty fine for women whose feet go from a chauffeur driven car to a marble floored hotel or department store and never enter public toilets or queue at a bar for a Fat Frog.

FIZZ BALLS - Tassel glitter wedge £119.85

Cheryl says, ‘A glitter wedge with edge!’ Peep-toe, wedge, slingback, ankle-strap, tassel bow tie AND glitter effect. I am exhausted trying to take this shoe in AND it comes disguised as three styles.

FIZZ WIZZ - Tassel glitter wedge £119.85

Cheryl says, ‘Classic but edgy – the glitter wedge is just gorgeous’. AKA FIZZ BLUE

FIZZ BOMB - Tassel glitter wedge £119.85

Cheryl says, ‘Love this super versatile shoe – it’s an easy way to get instant glam’. AKA FIZZ BROWN

PINK SHRIMP - Feature platform court shoe £79.90

Cheryl says, ‘Love the blush and copper… this is my ultimate glam shoe!‘ And she is excited about it! We can’t get too excited about a shoe you can get in virtually every shop at any budget. This is the one shoe that we think really shows a lack of quality in manufacture that caused all the drama with the previous collection.

FLYING SAUCERS - Double strap T-bar sandal £79.90

Cheryl says, ‘Ladylike and elegant, with gorgeous detailing’. If by ladylike you mean boob-gunned Austin Powers Fembots.

'You see, I was looking for Dr. Evil when the Fembots came out and smoke started coming out of their jomblies. So I started to work my mojo, to counter their mojo; we got cross-mojulation, and their heads started exploding'

The pricing is really weird eh? Is the costing by weight like a kilo of bananas? Also this is not really a nine-piece collection, it’s five in different colours.

The consumer will ultimately vote with plastic. Cheryl Cole for Stylist Pick launches today exclusively online for signed-up members: stylistpick.com/cheryl-cole

We loves Cheryl but we hope she sticks to busting a move on stage and flashing that smile and dimples in future.

About Aisling O'Connor

Aisling is an Irish fashion, pop culture and lifestyle writer whose work can be seen in Harpers Bazaar, The Atlantic, The Daily Mail and The Independent's Irish edition and many others. With a unique sartorial perspective, she strives to translate high fashion and street style into accessible looks - and savage often ridiculous celebrity stylings as a matter of public service.
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19 Responses to FASHION x CELEBRITY: CHERYL SHARES HER LOVE OF SHOES BY THROWING EVERY TRICK IN THE BOOK AT YOUR FEET

  1. megmog says:

    They are YUCK. It wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t so ridiculously overpriced… Looks and quality wise, these would be right at home in Primark (not a bad thing, I’m all for shopping within your budget and have picked up a few great bargains there but key word is BARGAIN). In fact, I’m sure they are busy rustling up totally copycat designs right now… soon to be on sale for £16 a pair in a shop near you!

  2. LuxLisbon says:

    Right, design your crappy shoes, Cheryl. I’m sure you are short of a few bob so you need the extra dollar it will provide you with. But, do not insult your fans (who else will buy them?) by charging £120 smackers for a pair of boots that are they equivalent quality wise of Shoezone.

  3. BOHOMOTH says:

    OMG they are AWFUL!

  4. ElleG says:

    The proportions are just awful. Not one of those shoes could be described as elegant.

  5. bettydrapereyes says:

    The ones with the ankle straps will do *nothing* for her cankles

  6. Just sayin says:

    Blah the fizz bomb are so ugly

  7. Suzanne says:

    Athough it has been many a year since my poor size 8s were shoved into a pair of heels (I now keep them in a basket under my dressing table and occasionally take them out and have a good sob that my tottering days are well gone now) the one thing that screams at me is they don’t look “walkable” the reality is we see picture of the rich and famous in heels you know that as soon as the paps have emm papped then those motherfucker are kicked off in the direction of a lacky but at least the shoes look wearable. These things just look asthetically wrong.

  8. Princessinnit says:

    Car to Bar shoes, drag queeny and over the top. Too many details in one shoe and AWFUL colours! The ankle boots look a tiny bit ripped off from the lovely Gil Carvalho boots ( FABULOUS quality and design ) that I have seen before…. hiddy hiddy hiddy

  9. Pingback: MUSIC x FASHION: HONKY TONK NO MORE – THE COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS RED CARPET – BOHOMOTH

  10. MildredFierce says:

    If there were a Pullizer (sp?!) for shoe reviewing (and quite why the hell there isn’t is frankly anyone’s guess) then we’d be looking right at the 2012 winner

  11. WTF says:

    i can’t even imagine what my feet would feel like after a few hours in those shoes….

  12. Beta says:

    I wonder how many she’s actually going to wear herself…

  13. Pingback: FASHION: AINTREE RACES- THE PLACE WHERE GOOD TASTE WENT TO DIE ALONG WITH A LOAD OF RACE HORSES – BOHOMOTH

  14. Pingback: FASHION x MUSIC: CHERYL’S NEW VIDEO & TRAGIC HAMMER PANTS COLLIDE – BOHOMOTH

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