CELEBRITY: MAYBE BEYONCE’S SMILING ON HOLIDAY WITH JAY-Z BECAUSE HER INSIDES AREN’T IN A BAG

Goofing around: Beyonce pulls her hair in the air as she strikes a pose on a jet ski in St Barts
Another day, another luxurious decadent look into the lives of mega-rich 1% ers Beyoncé and Jay-Z who are on holiday with baby Blue Ivy and a load of bodyguards and other servants on a $200,000 a week yacht in Saint Barts. 
Catch me if you can: Jay-Z looked content to follow his wife around on the jet skis
And yet, I gaze lovingly at the photos with an air of escapism and dare I say it aspiration? Obviously I'm still feeling sorry for Beowulf after she was rudely compared to Kim Kartrashian by a source in US Weekly today, but despite my vague loathing for Jigga Man's general horridness, they're so cute and frightfully in love that I just adore them.
Travel in style: Beyonce looked like she was enjoying herself speeding over the waves
Sure, Beo has accessorised the colour of the sea and her jetski lifejacket to their daughter's name, as she has done with her nail colour and clothing since her birth back in January causing irritation worldwide. But still- there's a vague warmth burning inside my cold, dark heart.
I think it could well be down to admiration for B that she successfully sh@gged Jay-Z.
Did you ever read that supposed interview with a groupie that slept with him way back when? No idea if it's true but bits of it (specifically relating to how he is hung) had me howling with laughter.
Here's some of the classics:
Were you worried about him sleeping with other girls?
He had a ton of other b*tches. To tell you the truth, with his boring d*ck, I was glad he was giving it to them.
Boring?
Boring. The biggest d*ck you'll ever see in your life, but boring. Huge. Like a one-liter Pepsi bottle. What do you call those things? The 20-ounce bottle. It's beyond huge. It could block the sun.
Too big to suck?
No, not all. That's why he fucked with me. And he screams like a b*tch when he busts. It's horrible. He has a big, humungous d*ck and has no idea what to do with it.
You didn't try and teach him?
It wouldn't have worked to teach him anything. He is just boring. Plus, I really didn't care. I was just mostly around for the cash. He might not be boring in bed to everyone, but me I just didn't dig him. He always wanted head first, then back-shots. Then he'd always try and stick it in the @sshole. I don't know what the f-ck he thought he was doing with that big-ass d*ck.
Did you ever let him?
I wouldn't be talking to you now if I had. My insides would be in a bag.
Hahahahahah. Hee-frigging-larious. If it is made up the writer deserves some sort of award.
Read more here.

About Jen Paul (BOHOMOTH)

Jenny Paul is a veteran showbiz reporter who is based in Cannes in the south of France. She has worked on major breaking news stories over the past decade and more for entertainment news outlets worldwide including: Us Weekly (USA), People magazine (USA), E! News (USA) ABC News (USA), The New York Post (USA), The Sun (UK), The Mirror (UK), The Daily Mail, (UK), The Mail on Sunday (UK) and many others too numerous to mention. She firmly believes that love, truth, hugs, dogs and the power of laughter make the world a better place.
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25 Responses to CELEBRITY: MAYBE BEYONCE’S SMILING ON HOLIDAY WITH JAY-Z BECAUSE HER INSIDES AREN’T IN A BAG

  1. JAB says:

    OMG. Best. Celebrity.Website.Ever.
    I’m so happy I found it. I’ve just wasted the better part of the last hour going through old posts. Love your humour, love your outlook, love the style. I’ll be back.

    • BOHOMOTH says:

      Aw! yay! ‘glad you like x and welcome!

      • kaie w. bird says:

        I agree to everything they said too. You are getting all the views jezebel and gawker use to get: THANK YOU! ;) These people need to be called out for the crap that they do and get away with. Or at least have their public perception based in reality. P.S. This might make me look like a bad person, because of who I’m asking about, but maybe you’ll hold judgement and dish. Do you know of any thing with Dave Matthews? Those are some tightly sealed lips, if I’ve ever seen some. Over the years, I have maybe seen about 6 or so blinds about him (the band). Chicago fiasco being one and that chef woman another. I know this isn’t Total Request Live, but I had to ask! You gots the goods!

        • BOHOMOTH says:

          Thank you and I have to honestly report that no, I personally don’t know anything about him at this moment in time. But if I ever hear I will post, don’t you worry x :-D

  2. MildredFierce says:

    Weeping with laughter oh my god

  3. MildredFierce says:

    Oh jesus my aching sides Baller Alert hahahahahaha!!!!

  4. MildredFierce says:

    Once I fell off a bed onto the floor cos was stoned and laughing uncontrollably at vic reeves’ big night out this is like that *heart you bomo* xx

    • BOHOMOTH says:

      Aw bless you, heart you too Mildred. It’s just a case of I have a good memory for decent and hilarious filth. (Ask me what I did last night and I’m scoobied) xx

  5. Sassy says:

    That is freaking HILARIUOUS<

  6. Siska says:

    Love this..it’s funny gf!..he..he

    I don’t think I even brave enough let a Pepsi bottle near mine..ouch….

  7. LuxLisbon says:

    Jesus, I hope Beyonce has shares in lube.

  8. Mildred Fierce says:

    This has knocked Brian Harvey and the jacket potatoes off my top spot . See you bitches later. Gonna go hang on Baller Alert.

  9. Bet the “bag” wouldn’t be as nice as my Katrantzou!!! Bless you BOHOMOTH. :-D

    But yeh, that interview with the ex is all kinds of hilarious!!! It should become a meme…

  10. Pingback: CELEBRITY: EAR WE GO- KIM KARDASHIAN GIVES HER NEW FAUXMANCE A SUBTLE REMINDER – BOHOMOTH

  11. Pingback: CELEBRITY: BEYONCE INSULTS US ALL WITH HER VERSION OF REAL-LIFE ISSUES… FLAT SHOES AND HOME HAIRCUTS – BOHOMOTH

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