So we’ve talked about the dress. Now, on to the next thing that distinguished
Prince William’s Kate Middleton’s wedding from that of any other sickeningly rich and privileged person – blue blooded royals – Brit and Euro.
Firstly I’d like to point out that William and Harry looked very dashing in their uniforms. The gays must have gotten a kick out of this. Kind of like ‘An Officer and a Gentleman’ meets Freddy Mercury. Class act.
From this point on I’m only covering women whose outfits interested me and men who went overboard in the beauty parlor.
Let’s take it from the top of the monarchy. The Queen. Queeny. Lizzy.
Lizzy was certainly fizzy in lemon from head-to-toe. I’m not going to criticise her on the all over colour blocking. She’s the bloody Queen. It’s her thing. Still I’d LOVE to know how she blocks anyone wearing her colour without letting the cat out of the bag on what she’s wearing herself. Almost everyone got the memo. Someone has been striken off the Queen’s Christmas card list.
Let’s throw in the other woman real quick.
Good show, Camilla. Beautiful graduated two-tone coat and dress. Phillip Treacy hat. We’ll try to forget how you RUINED Diana’s life.
Princess Anne did the family proud with a nice splash of colour, a print and a good fit at that.
Staying with the Windsors, Zara Phillips made an appearance in a futuristic metallic grey coat and similar colour wide brimmed hat. She kind of looked like a patio heater.
Moving on, the Yorkie sisters caused quite the stir with their sartorial choices. I’m not going to bother distinguishing which is which, but Yorkie one wore the first of the vagina hats with a loud arts and crafts project of a dress that someone stiched a Vivienne Westwood label on.
Yorkie two baffled the globe with the oddest hat I’ve ever seen anyone wear with a straight face. I’m all for the avante garde but there’s a time and a face. She’s far too young and odd looking to carry it off. Without the octo-vagina hat, her coat was to die. Nude Valentino coat with stunning neckline detail. Great choice. Yorkie two gets the bag of sweeties for best out of the cousins.
This next one comes with a public health warning – do not look directly at it.
You’ve heard of bridesmaids’ shoes being dyed-to-match the dress. Tara Palmer Tompkinson took DTM to the extreme. I kind of loved it, but was kind of scared of it at the same time. Another vagina hat. This time with a balled up DTM tea-towel in the middle.
First up is the Carrington of the royal family, Princess Michael. She’s one sassy bitch. Little is known of why she’s so bloody fabulous. Jook at that hat – so classic and stunning. It’s tough to pull off the old pearls and fitted blazer without looking like you probably smell like an old lady’s parlor but she works it like there’s no tomorrow. Je love her.
Pre-Monaco drama, Prince Albert and his then-fiancee Charlene Wittstock, did Momma Grace Kelly proud with pale greys and classic lines. That hat is faboosh but not with an outfit that prissy. The ‘Of Monaco’s’ didn’t make many mistakes, but at the same time didn’t really stand out.
Here we have Crown Prince Willem of the Nederlands and Princess Maxima (how much is that a phone sex pseudonym). The ‘Of The Netherlands’ look ok. You can barely see him under all that pomp and her all nude look is giving me uncooked sausage meat. I doubt that was what she was going for.
Let’s ‘do’ someone who hit the mark.
These one colour/head-to-toe looks got old very quickly until I saw the bitch that brought it in Chanel. Princess Marie Chantal of Greece. Totally cool, understated elegance, that dress hasn’t been beaten on to her and those shoes are to die. Top marks. My favourite of the DTM outfits.
Another Euro royal who married Euro trash (her personal trainer), Princess Victoria of Sweden. By the look of that figure she was definitely benefiting from a ‘friends and family discount’ from the hubby. The colour was on-trend with the soft orange hues last spring. It’s a touch too ‘sexy’ for an event like this but she has the goods to carry it off. He looked like a bit of a smug creep tho. It was probably the gelled hair and smug creep glasses..
May I introduce the ‘Of Belgiums’. Here is a woman who thought about her husband’s official colours and worked with it. Princess Mathilde’s aqua/turquoise really works with his pink sash. Lovely jacket and skirt by Armani Prive. The shoes are questionable. They kind of look like high-heeled corrective shoes. Also another kooky hat. Phillip Treacy of course (he did 90% of the royal wedding hats apparently).
Up next celebrities, politicos, randoms and the Middletons.