LMAOdonna kicked off her world tour in Tel Aviv last night and rather than show that she’s still got it in spades, she relied heavily on the tricks and gimmicks we’ve all seen before rather than coming up with anything new, innovative or interesting.

The 53-year-old singer burst onto the stage of Tel Aviv’s Ramat Gan stadium after rising out of the floor with a gun and shattering the video backscreen which had been playing Catholic imagery spliced with blood, guts and bullets and went into a rendition of  ’Girl Gone Wild’.

What follows is ‘Like a Virgin’- where she’s lowered into a volcano by four male dancers (a virgin sacrifice in case we didn’t understand the methaphor overload), ‘Gang Bang’ where she wrestles with intruders and shoots them splattering their blood over the video backdrop, ‘Revolver’ where she wields a Kalashnikov rifle and if this wasn’t enough to ram her point home she breathlessly explained to the audience that she started her tour in Israel because “You can’t be a fan of mine and not want peace in the world,” adding: “We all bleed the same colour.

“If we can all rise above our egos and our titles and the names of our countries and our religions, and treat everyone around us with dignity and respect, then we are on the road to peace.

“If there is peace here in the Middle East, there can be peace in the whole world.”

Sounds more to me like the only thing “Esther’s” gone wild on recently is the HRT and Kabbalah water – we get it Grandma, too much war in the Middle East. ‘Has to stop. Yep. War in Middle East. Bad.  Sheesh it’s like listening to your nan after one too many sherries forgetting she’s already told you the same story from twenty years ago over one hundred times.

The thing is that I doubt that the warmongers at the heart of the conflicts in that part of the world popped home after a hard days killing, pulled on their MDNA tour t-shirts and tight shorts, peroxided their hair blonde and then went to hold hands with other boys and dance front-row and shake their thangs at her concert last night. She was preaching to the converted.

Madonna’s last tour took over $400 million dollars and she has a personal wealth that she couldn’t ever spend in several lifetimes, so I assume she’ll be donating the profits from this tour to the fight for world peace?

We all know Madonna likes a good PR friendly feud to keep herself in the headlines, so as well as educating her fans about the importance of not shooting each other, Vadge also made a cynical bid to ride the coattails of supposed rival and fellow one trick pop pony Ladyboy Gaga – presumably to stir up her 25 million twitter followers – by doing a mash up of the younger star’s ‘Born This Way’ with her own ‘Express Yourself’ and then ending it with her own ‘She’s Not Me’.

I’ve got tickets for this tour when it hits Europe later this summer, but I’m not sure if I can be bothered to go, I just feel like I’ve seen it all before and she’s not putting on a SHOW. I’d rather see a powerful singer like Adele just standing there with a mic and wowing you with her pure talent, strong vocals and clever thoughtful lyrics than this gimmicky performance that Madge has hastily put together.  Still, this picture above made me laugh- Madonna tweeting her fans from Tel Aviv. Complete with the Karl K*nterfeld patented disguise for elderly hands and eyes, she’s wearing Chanel leather cut off gloves and large dark shades as she tries desperately to keep up with the modern age. But as producer William Orbit’s already said – with clothing lines, perfumes, film directing and this world tour taking up her time, I can’t help but think Madonna’s spreading herself too thin and getting left behind.

About Jen Paul (BOHOMOTH)

Jenny Paul is a veteran showbiz reporter who is based in Cannes in the south of France. She has worked on major breaking news stories over the past decade and more for entertainment news outlets worldwide including: Us Weekly (USA), People magazine (USA), E! News (USA) ABC News (USA), The New York Post (USA), The Sun (UK), The Mirror (UK), The Daily Mail, (UK), The Mail on Sunday (UK) and many others too numerous to mention. She firmly believes that love, truth, hugs, dogs and the power of laughter make the world a better place.
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  1. Beta says:

    the minute she decided to kick-off her tour in tel-aviv is the minute I decided im over madonna.

  2. Grande Poobah says:

    I’ve just had a horrible flashback to Borat’s attempts to negotiate peace in the Middle East. Has she lost it? I love the idea though of:

    the warmongers at the heart of the conflicts in that part of the world popping home after a hard days killing, pulled on their MDNA tour t-shirts and tight shorts, peroxided their hair blonde and then holding hands with other boys and dancing…

  3. Anonymous says:

    “The woman without a man, the woman without
    filial affection, the woman alone, is a natural
    destroyer. ——-She can’t even help it.”
    D H Lawrence

  4. Mojojojo says:

    The passive agressive ageist comments are killing me. Let’s hope somebody doesn’t decide for you it’s time to hang up your career because you’re too boring or whining.

    Age and dullness do not run paralell. Gaga whines in a cliché tone too about peace and self-love and I would hardly call her a grandma. We all age and we all like to be treated with respect. Negative critique can be given without an underhand comment about age, it undermines your point because Madonna can’t help being 53. She can help work on her communication with her fans and looking for a REAL connection instead of this robotic messages she proclaims in every tour.

    Comparing Adele and Madonna is like apples and pears btw. One is a singer-songwriter and only needs her voice to entertain me and the other one is a performer who might be mediocre in tiny aspects but the big picture is “wow”. They need everything they got to make their career work and Madonna does just that. You can enjoy both depending on your mood and one is not better than the other. They each have their positives but it’s best to judge them separately because in no way are they alike. Even their basic genre/image is different.

  5. Shana says:

    Go, BOHO. If you have a ticket…go…to any show. Life has a wonderful way of surprising you.

    As for Madonna….after many, many, many of years of fucking over tours to Australia because it’s ‘too far’ – and she has done that openly. Can’t be bothered to give a shit now. Thanks, Madge. From a fan to The Heartless Cunt – from your first fans and sales in the WORLD. xxx Very hurt and fuck you. Too little too late.

  6. Jameson says:

    I get the feeling that by doing the Express Yourself/Born This Way mashup, it leaves the door open for Gaga to make a “surprise” appearance on Madonna’s stage at some point during the tour.

    Madonna has already had Justin on stage with her and Britney, why not Gaga?

    • Shana says:

      Oh Fuck No, Jamy. Madonna guests………….next turn. Fuck no. Don’t betray me, my Queen ——

      You gave me strength and belief to be me. In spite of …………thanks Madonna. I respect your choices as an older wiser person. xxx

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