Fits of giggles: Suri Cruise made Katie Holmes laugh when she started pulling faces as they took a walk in New York on Tuesday

For anyone thinking that the former bride of Scientology must live the life of Riley now she’s free of Tom Thumb Cruise and can get her mitts on Suri’s trust fund and spank it hard, well look at this picture and think again.

She could be an actress: With Katie as her mother and Tom Cruise as her father, it seems Suri has a knack for acting

There’s nothing more annoying and embarrassing than your child kicking off and acting like Count Bratula in public.

She could be an actress: With Katie as her mother and Tom Cruise as her father, it seems Suri has a knack for acting

Back in the days of yore, a swift clip around the ear with a hissed ‘Wait ’till I get you home’ and a long, hard stare (or a sneaky pinch on the arm as my Auntie used to do to us in church for kicking the pews in front- the bish) did the trick, but when you’re Katie Holmes and followed everywhere by an army of paparazzi, none of the above options are available.

Making friends: It seems Suri didn't want to say goodbye to her little pal which is what brought on the funny faces

Instead, with Superstorm Suri brewing in front of her, the only thing she can really do is pull the ‘yoinks’ horrified face she used to do in Dawsons Creek whenever Michelle Williams’ character suggested drinking a root beer, sharing a cigarette and maybe even snogging a boy.

Pretty in pink: Suri was looking fashionable as ever in a pink outfit with leopard print cardigan and matching bag

Fully aware of the paps snapping away and the possibility of the Charlie’s Angels style speakerphone box in her sitting room crackling into life with the voice of dad of the year Tom Cruise doing his remote parenting from London and chastising Katie for not letting Suri do whatever the hell she wants (it actually says in a Scientology parenting guide that it is ‘NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS’ with regard to the discipline of your child), the two adults try to laugh Xenu’s child into submission.

Doing her bit: Little Suri was encouraging people to vote in the election with a paper necklace she made

No such luck. I’m kind of amazed that at this point Suri’s head didn’t start spinning around as she vomited on Katie or something. (I’m kidding, I know all too well that all six-year-olds have their charming moments like this).

But! – there’s one tiny ray of light in all this.

Last week Katie tellingly revealed to the New York Times : ‘I still think of myself as Midwestern.

‘I mean, I’ve had box wine. It’s good. And it’s a lot easier to open.’

Yep, because there’s some days when all you want to do is get that alcohol open as fast as you can and get it down your throat rather than fiddle around with bottle openers.

‘Might be an idea if Katie doesn’t rent the Exorcist to wind down with that wine once her little darling’s finally tucked up in bed.

About Jen Paul (BOHOMOTH)

Jenny Paul is a veteran showbiz reporter who is based in Cannes in the south of France. She has worked on major breaking news stories over the past decade and more for entertainment news outlets worldwide including: Us Weekly (USA), People magazine (USA), E! News (USA) ABC News (USA), The New York Post (USA), The Sun (UK), The Mirror (UK), The Daily Mail, (UK), The Mail on Sunday (UK) and many others too numerous to mention. She firmly believes that love, truth, hugs, dogs and the power of laughter make the world a better place.
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  1. Anonymous says:

    ‘Count Bratula’…hahahahahaha…I know a couple of those.

  2. jojo says:

    Poor Katie will need extra strength Xanax, it’s going to be hard breaking those bad habits.

  3. Kate says:

    What on earth is the child wearing?

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