MADONNA, WHEN YOUR ASS STARTS TO RESEMBLE A PAIR OF TESTICLES, IT’S TIME TO PULL ON A PAIR OF PANTS

The problem with trading on your physicality for the guts of your life is that when your body matures and requires a little more ‘security’ garment wise, the head doesn’t know when to stop.

We’re looking at you, Madonna, on stage at El Foro Sol stadium in Mexico City last week.

Or more locally, your arse. How could we not.

I don’t want to be that judgmental b*tch who looks down on a gal for dressing younger than society deems fit, but COME ON.

 

Cheer-leading garb, gyrating and crotch grabbing aside (though she does remind me of a toddler in that phase where she’s obsessed with showing off their underwear)…

…can’t her costumer fit a better short than that. Her behind and legs look like a doll made from old granny tights stuffed with cotton wool.

And note to self – and every woman over 40 – fishnets are not kind to the back of the knees.

Between Madge’s genital-defying stage thong, and her rump – that’s beginning to resemble a pair of shorn testicles in the teeny shorts – I find myself praying for the end of the MDNA tour, and the retirement of her money-maker. I’d be as sad as the next person to see her go, but my constitution can’t take any more of this.

In her off time, she’s peculiarly reserved, wouldn’t you say.

In her Rio de Janiero hotel over the weekend for a concert, she took in the view under cover of a curtain-come-shroud.

NOW you want to cover up?

I will say the cold light of day and a long lens camera is kind to her.

Best pic of her I’ve seen in years.

Madonna, please, please, please take inspiration  Tilda Swinton. Covered up has never been so fabulous. And she’s DONE the naked thing.

About Aisling O'Connor

Aisling is an Irish fashion, pop culture and lifestyle writer whose work can be seen in Harpers Bazaar, The Atlantic, The Daily Mail and The Independent's Irish edition and many others. With a unique sartorial perspective, she strives to translate high fashion and street style into accessible looks - and savage often ridiculous celebrity stylings as a matter of public service.
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3 Responses to MADONNA, WHEN YOUR ASS STARTS TO RESEMBLE A PAIR OF TESTICLES, IT’S TIME TO PULL ON A PAIR OF PANTS

  1. DeMoi says:

    Dick Emery anyone?

  2. sylly says:

    Oh, God! Why is her ass lopsided? Is that what aging does? Is this what I have to look forward to? And why does she still have those lumpy things at the back of her knees when she’s got, like 3 percent body fat?

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