Now Jessica Biel’s got access to Justin Timberlake’s millions, cash-strapped (thanks to the forking recession) designers are literally lining up to dress her and even showed us why we shouldn’t allow funny little men with no clue how to dress themselves to us what to wear in her latest glossy magazine spread.
The 30-year-old Housewife of Beverly Hills posed up in Elle with Christian Louboutin (bottom), Jean Paul Gaultier (rarely seen since the hilariously bad TV programme Eurotrash, below), Azzedine Alaïa (top) and Giambattista Valli (second from last) all over Paris, no doubt laughing and pointing at the city’s homeless people as they strolled by dripping in diamonds.
But what exactly does being Jessica Timberlake mean to her (other than people constantly assuming she’s a lesbian)?
Well eating pickles and naked swimming apparently: ‘It means always having someone there to open the pickle jar… to share the ups and downs with, have adventures with. Someone to go swimming naked with. That kind of thing.’
I’m not married and I never will be, but I always assumed it was about meeting your soul-mate and knowing without a doubt that anything less than spending the rest of your life with them would be hideously unbearable.
You can go naked swimming with anyone that happens to be strong enough to open a pickle jar, can’t you?
But perhaps Jessica, whose career has never exactly set the world on fire, is cannier than we give her credit for.
After a load of fluff about Justin supposedly baking pies from recipes given to him by his nan and how wonderful honeymooning and wearing her wedding dress was, she reveals her real reason for tying the knot with a man that cheated on her multiple times throughout their relationship.
‘I just want to work with someone who’s going to push me to a scary, exciting place that I’ve never been before.’
Come over to my house for a weekend, love, I’ll push you into a scary place faster than you can say: ‘I married for power and fame, not love’.