I was just thinking I hadn’t had a good laugh at Tom Cruise in a while and up he pops in full make-up with mancealer and guy-liner at the David Letterman show in New York.
Eeps. Time to hide Suri in that Anne Frank style attic conversion, Katie, I can smell a pap-sponsored Cruise carrying his daughter around the Big Apple PR opportunity, especially as he’s currently promoting two films.
One, the hilariously titled Jack Reacher(round) had it’s premiere cancelled following the shooting tragedy, so old Tom’s working extra hard.
So what did sly old Dave talk to Tom Thumb about to make him cringe like this in the above photo? Sex that’s what.
Scientologists don’t believe in having sex for anything other than procreation- which fits with my life-long theory that Cruise has a smooth action man like crotch under his pink, frilly My Little Pony knickers.
But Letterman, playing along with the premise that the cult really isn’t rammed to the rafters with brainwashed freaks and they’re all like everyone else, asked Tom if he’d had ‘the talk’ with son Connor.
A normal person with a 17-year-old would answer that there’d been no need to mention birds or bees these days, as thanks to the internet his teenager’s fully able to explain everything from the active ingredients in fisting gel to the general etiquette when indulging in bukkake.
Not Tom though, his weird and awkward answer was that he never really brings it up because if he tries to talk to Connor about it his friends want to know what he said. Eh? Is this 1960 or something?
What Cruise doesn’t know is that if that were true, all they’d mean was not that they wanted sex details from Mr. Button Mushroom cock himself, they’d be wondering if the whole Cleveland Steamer thing was true, if he really interviews his girlfriends before dating them and what Tom’s explanation for the time Connor walked into the basement and found his dad with a red ball gag in his mouth and a gimp suit on was.