Grey day: Tom Cruise leaves the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York to film the Late Show With David Letterman I was just thinking I hadn't had a good laugh at Tom Cruise in a while and up he pops in full make-up with mancealer and guy-liner at the David Letterman show in New York. Eeps. Time to hide Suri in that Anne Frank style attic conversion, Katie, I can smell a pap-sponsored Cruise carrying his daughter around the Big Apple PR opportunity, especially as he's currently promoting two films. One, the hilariously titled Jack Reacher(round) had it's premiere cancelled following the shooting tragedy, so old Tom's working extra hard.
Sharing a laugh: Tom chatted to David Letterman about his new film Jack Reacher
So what did sly old Dave talk to Tom Thumb about to make him cringe like this in the above photo? Sex that's what. Scientologists don't believe in having sex for anything other than procreation- which fits with my life-long theory that Cruise has a smooth action man like crotch under his pink, frilly My Little Pony knickers. But Letterman, playing along with the premise that the cult really isn't rammed to the rafters with brainwashed freaks and they're all like everyone else, asked Tom if he'd had 'the talk' with son Connor.
A normal person with a 17-year-old would answer that there'd been no need to mention birds or bees these days, as thanks to the internet his teenager's fully able to explain everything from the active ingredients in fisting gel to the general etiquette when indulging in bukkake. Not Tom though, his weird and awkward answer was that he never really brings it up because if he tries to talk to Connor about it his friends want to know what he said. Eh? Is this 1960 or something? What Cruise doesn't know is that if that were true, all they'd mean was not that they wanted sex details from Mr. Button Mushroom cock himself, they'd be wondering if the whole Cleveland Steamer thing was true, if he really interviews his girlfriends before dating them and what Tom's explanation for the time Connor walked into the basement and found his dad with a red ball gag in his mouth and a gimp suit on was.  

About Jen Paul (BOHOMOTH)

Jenny Paul is a veteran showbiz reporter who is based in Cannes in the south of France. She has worked on major breaking news stories over the past decade and more for entertainment news outlets worldwide including: Us Weekly (USA), People magazine (USA), E! News (USA) ABC News (USA), The New York Post (USA), The Sun (UK), The Mirror (UK), The Daily Mail, (UK), The Mail on Sunday (UK) and many others too numerous to mention. She firmly believes that love, truth, hugs, dogs and the power of laughter make the world a better place.
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  1. Sassy says:

    who is he fake kissing in that pic?

  2. twiggy twiggy says:

    The Hobbit. This is 40. The Guilt Trip. Monsters Inc 3-D. Essentially all demographics are covered in terms of films opening this weekend (not counting Les Mis on Christmas Day), so unless it gets spillover fanboy/action fan business from the Hobbit’s sold-out screenings, Jack may be reaching for a share of the audience. Tommy should reveal himself as the Antichrist on the 21st and make everyone see his movie if he really wants butts in those seats and not just on his face (although in my imagination he’s always been a submissive bottom who likes it so hard he forgets his name and bleeds).

  3. jojo says:

    Tom is gay, he was open when he landed in LaLa land and then was told to smarten up…
    And he is a bore……

    • BOHOMOTH says:

      Do you reckon he is gay now though? I know for a fact he asked a PR to take him around gay bars in Sydney years and years ago, but I get a totally asexual vibe from him now. I reckon the Scis brainwashed him so badly he literally doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going…

      • jojo says:

        You can’t cure someone of their natural instinct …yes he’s gay. My grand dad is one of 6 boys and 1 girl….one of my great uncles is gay, it was hard for him growing up with with very straight brothers but they all closed ranks and protected him so he could be himself….I don’t think it helped that he was a beautiful child and my great great gran dressed him like a girl…
        this is absolutely true…
        We are who we are I believe it’s genetic.

        • BOHOMOTH says:

          Great story Jojo, slap on the wrist for your Great-Grandma. Yeah, well, I believe everyone, not to sound like Gaga really is born this way whatever that way may be. But I also think Scientology has done something to Tom’s brain, like I say they don’t believe in having sex and he’s at high level now. The one thing that’s for sure is: No matter how many people you talk to they either say he’s gay or asexual (as in just doesn’t do sex these days) but I’ve never heard of him being straight.

  4. Pingback: Jenna Dewan-Tatum, Spice Girls, Tom Cruise and More Links | I Need My Fix

  5. Christy says:

    I think the thing with Tiny Tom is that he’s basically not a very good actor, so it follows that he’s not very good at acting straight. Think of all those embarrassing moments that make your toes curl – the Oprah couch jumping, the grab-and-throw-her-back-and-snog of poor Katie on various red carpets, the “your mine now my preciousssss” vice-like grip he has her in that wedding photo. All so unconvincing – none of them make you think he’s a normal heterosexual guy expressing normal heterosexual urges. They all just make you think ‘Gay guy doing what he thinks straights would do.’ And not very well at that.

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