So it looks like Lindsay Lohan’s doing a good job of blowing through that Celebrity Big Brother money and making sure that the IRS or her landlord don’t get to see any of it, and ensuring that by the time she makes her surprise guest appearance on the show she’ll have got so high whilst staying in London beforehand that we’ll get to see her detox live on TV.
On Tuesday, she was out at that notorious for not being a haven of sobriety and tranquility – Boujis nightclub until 3.30am, when she found either one of Robin Hood’s merry men who’d lost his way to Nottingham forest, or a dealer because he was clearly so high when he left his family’s house on New Year’s Day, that he pulled on his Nana’s Sunday best church coat and hat by mistake instead of his own.
Lilet took a couple of bottles of Evian with her when she left the club… Because she either wanted us to think she wasn’t drinking alcohol and they double up as handy home-made crack pipes or they don’t stock water in the mini bar at The Dorchester?
Lindsay’s new friend certainly seems surprised about something or extremely wide-eyed for almost four in the morning.
Of course, this is all to be expected, indeed demanded from her current sponsors if they happen to be Big Brother.
It’s interesting how in England she has the money for a car with a driver and even security but in America she doesn’t have a pot to p1ss in or a window to throw it out of.
There’s no flies on Big Brother’s makers – the evil television people behind the show KNOW that them making a hungover Lohan on a drug comedown suffer on camera, as is their way, is going to result in bumper viewing figures this otherwise-boring January.
They had Jade Goody’s mother crying for her meds in the dairy room and knew not handing them over and keeping her permanently rattling would result in better car crash TV.
I can see the pitch meeting for the Lohans now: ‘Yeah she’s skint so we’ll just offer her a hundred grand to lure her over ‘ere and give her unlimited access to gak and booze and encourage her to go out clubbing for a few days before she goes in so she’s extra fragile when she does.
“Then when she’s in the house and climbing the walls from the hard partying when she got here, having not read the contract’s small print and having no idea what the show’s about and that she can’t get out of it, we’ll take that suitcase of prescription meds off her and get her to have a meltdown with her not really grasping we edit it all to make her look as bad as possible and then present it as entertainment.”
I wish I was joking that that’s probably how it went, but I’m not kidding, not one bit.
The team behind this show are cuthroat f-ckers. They don’t see human-beings humiliating themselves and suffering psychologically – they see viewing figures.
I wonder if her mum Dina’s going in too – which is probably something the producers cooked up after hearing that phonecall Linds made to her dad when they were fighting in the car on the way home from that club? or maybe even seeing her wasted on Dr.Phil?
They’ll give them both loads of booze after a couple of days in the house- once they’ve tormented them both a bit to get them really on edge – and then let them get really hammered and stir up a fight.
Everyone who goes in that house cracks under the pressure, even the ones who started out sane, so imagine what it’d do to Linds and Dina?
And the beauty of it- for the producers – is that this time the Lohans won’t be able to lie and bullsh-t their way out of it afterwards like they usually do because they’ll be filmed from every possible angle 24 hours a day.
I bet they’ve told them they only have to stay for a few days not two weeks like everyone else and they’ll pay them handsomely and treat them like Hollywood Royalty and that they’ll be even more famous and make even more money after the show – appealing to both stupid Lohan womens’ egos.
I mean… The Dorchester, Cipriani, new clothes, and they really are so stupid as to just greedily snatch it all up not knowing what awaits them.
The Lohans have finally met their match if they really have signed up for this – prepare yourselves for a sh1tstorm- the like of which you’ve not seen for some time.
Below’s the Celebrity Big Brother episode that ended the formerly-popular British star Jade Goody’s career in one 8 minute piece of TV editing- where she let her true colours show and launched a racist, foul-mouthed tirade at fellow housemate Shilpa Shetty.
Cut to the 8.10 point and tell me they haven’t jumped through hoops to sign up Lindsay and get her and Dina to crack in exactly the same way?
Believe you me, these two are the ultimate Celebrity Big Brother signings as far as the show’s concerned and we know they both need the money…
I suppose Celebrity Big Brother January 2013′s as fitting an epitaph as any for Lindsay’s career.