With American Idol now entering Season Twelve, the producers had to drum up a way to keep viewing figures from tumbling into the ill-fated and super-dull X Factor territory.
…Enter stage left Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj – who’ve clearly been told to earn their multi-million dollar paycheques by bitching at each other.
And, like particularly well-paid pantomime villains, as the cameras started rolling during the season premiere last night, so did the cat-fighting with Minaj calling Carey a ‘bitch’.
Wow. How outre and cutting-edge.
On any other show that would have been edited out and both stars given a slap on the wrists by their agents but with Kermit the Seacrest gurning and waving his stick arms about in frenzied appreciation, the war between Donatella Minaj and pre-op transexual Lion from the Wizard of Oz was ON.
After a costume change, Nicki Minger came back equipped with a primeval warning sign to Mariah Do We Care-y and with a hiss and a flick of her tail showed she meant war.
Lame, pre-written by male script-writer “insults” flowed back and forth: Carey saw a white fluffy major’s hat on Minaj’s desk, and mentioned she wanted to bring her pet dog.
Then like the kids from South Park playing a word association game, later on Minaj’s lizard frill came up again when the first contestant mentioned that Mariah’s All I Want For Christmas song was the best festive tune ever and she chanted under her breath: ‘She’s a bitch, she’s a bitch, she’s a bitch.’
Funny and hilarious, right?
No. Wrong. If women’s rights in 2013 means being able to go on television (which is still largely very much a man’s world) and call each other ‘bitches’ then Emmeline Pankhurst would be spinning in her grave.
What next? Minaj and Carey naked lesbian mud wrestling while hopefuls sing for Urban and Randy Jackson who do the real judging?
I know a good spat between the judges is more likely to keep the show on the air than them playing nice, but it feels a bit basic to stick two women with strong personalities in the same room and have them hurl insults at each other.
Really American Idol? ‘Wouldn’t it be more fun to have them team up and pre-write them some witty zingers to fire at Seacrest or co-judge Keith Urban?
Surely there’s enough material there to last several seasons.
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler co-presenting The Golden Globes adequately demonstrated to America last weekend that women can be funny without turning on each other or resorting to being complete c-nts. There is a fine line between poking fun and being uncomfortably nasty for no reason.
Whether the men in suits that control most of prime time television ever take those facts onboard remains to be seen.