Beyoncé has noticed that the internet reading population of earth are under the impression that she faked her pregnancy with the help of a fake folding baby bump and she says: "That was very odd. Who would even think of that?" Hmm. Who would think of that indeed? ...Perhaps... this person?   But forget that (well, Mrs Carter né Knowles wishes you would). Now she's got one-year-old Blue Ivy in her life, Beyowulf's body has  become powerful and sensual and she has no shame about that fact she tells the March issue of Vogue:
"Right now, after giving birth, I really understand the power of my body. I just feel my body means something completely different. I feel a lot more confident about it. Even being heavier, thinner, whatever. I feel a lot more like a woman. More feminine, more sensual. And no shame."
The 31-year-old also calls her baby Blue Ivy: "my homey, my best friend," in the interview which I like because that means that all Gwyneth Paltrow had to do to be Bey's best friend was burp, fart, fill her pants and cry every four hours and she had the gig. - No unsolicited advice about parenting or conversation about Mung beans and Chia seed recipes needed. Talking of IT'S GWIIIN, she gets a shout out in the interview after going over to watch and swoon sycophantically whilst Beyoncé recorded her album as she held Blue: "I thought, this is how you do it. You do what you love with who you love included," said B. This is what that looked like. Bleh. So Beyoncé officially loves the Goopster and she said it not only in print, but in VOGUE of all places. That has to be the equivalent of a 22 carat solid gold Rolls Royce of love declarations. The slush currently covering the pavements of New York like a blanket is nothing to do with the weather. It was Gwyneth having the first explosive multiple orgasm of her life upon reading those words. All the shots from the Vogue circle jerk with some fairly gorge Balenciaga: [gallery orderby="title"]

About Jen Paul (BOHOMOTH)

Jenny Paul is a veteran showbiz reporter who is based in Cannes in the south of France. She has worked on major breaking news stories over the past decade and more for entertainment news outlets worldwide including: Us Weekly (USA), People magazine (USA), E! News (USA) ABC News (USA), The New York Post (USA), The Sun (UK), The Mirror (UK), The Daily Mail, (UK), The Mail on Sunday (UK) and many others too numerous to mention. She firmly believes that love, truth, hugs, dogs and the power of laughter make the world a better place.
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  1. sassy says:

    Well someone gave birth to Red Rose but it wasn’t Beyowuelf

  2. jojo says:

    She just thinks the gospel comes from her lips, how can you not believe ?
    I say “Please Bitch………..”

  3. Shiny says:

    I love the cover hair.

    The bump thing is majorly cray-cray. This is just under a month after giving birth:

    • bettydrapereyes says:

      the make up is all over the shop but…
      photatoshopped to bits, but the eyeliner is odd, the contouring is wonky and her lipstick looks all over the shop

  4. BOHOMOTH says:

    This quote makes me think she faked the pregnancy:
    ‘But it happened during my labor because I had a very strong connection with my child. I felt like when I was having contractions, I envisioned my child pushing through a very heavy door.’

    F-CK OFF. When you have contractions you envision killing the man who got you in that mess and kidnapping the doctor with the epidural juice so he can’t leave your side. You also think: ‘ARRRRRGHHHHHHHHOHOWWWWOWOWOWOWGHOLYF-CKWASTHATMYVAGINARIPPINGTHEN?’

    • jojo says:

      I once read somewhere that during labor Christian girls curse their husbands and Jewish girls call for their mothers….

    • Mayrose10 says:

      I can’t really remember all the cursing I did but I am pretty shure I cursed everyone back to my ancestors. I was a maniac till I got my epidural and from then on it was kind of a blur. And I had a lot of shame with my lady business hanging out till I got the good drugs and didn’t care.

      • Lane says:

        Is the ongoing ridiculous babbling about her pregnancy/giving birth just to keep sales of her maternity line up.

        ‘Pushing my baby through a heavy door’!!!!!

        Ha! Ha! Ha!

        She has so not given birth.

  5. Sugartits says:

    I really want to believe that Gwiiiiiiin is skinning up in that photo.

  6. Diana says:

    Puhleeze… this bitch needs to get over herself.

  7. twiggy twiggy says:

    Of course she faked the pregnancy. I mean, after reading her empty Oprah-esque words in the interview, it’s clear that she is programmed to understand but not feel human emotion and is really a femme-bot. Her phases will be set to “kill” if a Republican wins the next election.

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