The Week That Was – ‘Airbrush’: Brits Loves Grits

A round-up of some of the week’s stories that kept us awake at night, posted throughout the day… Unless you’ve found that hidden cache of Christmas presents that Richard Burton once bought for Liz and buried somewhere but then got so rat-arsed he forgot where he hid them, believe me: all that glitters is not gold. Looks not only can be deceiving, they usually are.  Nowhere is this more in evidence than in the world of the celebrity.  Does Beyoncé really look like that?  How can Madonna’s hands sometimes have no wrinkles?  Where does Kartrashian’s camel toe hoof actually go when she wears her spray-on trousers? The answers, dear readers, lie in the all-powerful hands of The Airbrusher.  In this instance, I am not referring to a cockney coiffeuse, but rather that Photoshop™-qualified graphic design graduate who “enhances” every many celebrity images. Take Britney (b1tch).  Have you seen her new video for ‘Work B1tch’?  She looks well fit - in the traditional sense of that word – and she spends quite a lot of time showing off her lean, toned body.  Except, maybe it’s not really that lean and toned. You see, the rather appropriately named HOAX Films, the studio who “worked” on the video, has released these pictures of Brits carrying a bit more meat than the official video suggests.  Apparently, HOAX’s brief was to “clean up” the video. Now, when I was a youngster and I was told to “clean up my bedroom”, I didn’t cut a picture of an oligarch’s bedroom from Vogue Interiors and pretend to everyone that that’s where I slept. Maybe that’s where I went wrong. Anyway, note to us all and a timely reminder as we head for Christmas: Britney doesn’t have a miracle method for getting rid of those grits’n’burgers’n’fries she’s regularly seen chomping down on.  They attach firmly to her thighs, ass and gut, just like the rest of us.  And, the only way she sheds those pounds is through cold, hard graft.  Or, as she’d say, “work”… Gifs via http://theantipodeanhomo.tumblr.com

About Ant0scar

Ant0scar first came to prominence as the inspiration behind Roland Mouret’s White Collection. Having subsequently turned his attention to writing, he has been twice nominated as best writer on Bohomoth and hopes to soon turn his love of short stories into a Day-Time Emmy Award, an Oscar and possibly a Grammy. When he’s not negotiating lower sauvignon blanc prices, Ant0scar enjoys socializing with Kate Moss, street-dancing and advanced dressage. He lives in exile with his husband on a barge with four imaginary Great Danes, a tarantula and a cardboard cut-out of Beyoncé. He must never be challenged...
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14 Responses to The Week That Was – ‘Airbrush’: Brits Loves Grits

  1. Jen Paul says:

    ah bless little brit brit. Imagine if she’d been allowed to stay with K well Fed? they’d be skint by now and spend their days not showering for weeks at a time, smoking home grown weed and drinking home made beer, couponing obsessively and going to Walmart for trolleys full of utter shit – like pop tarts and tubs of margarine then going home and watching Honey Boo Boo and agreeing with all the points Sugar Bear makes. In between pregnancies.

  2. Pingback: Girls Talkin Smack – Celebrity Gossip Blog, TV, Fashion, Pop Culture & Movies | Morning Links: Dax Shepard & Kristen Bell Are Married!

  3. LOL @ “K well Fed” tbh

  4. Take Two Aspirins says:

    Wow. I feel so dumb. I thought you could only airbrush photos and still shots. I didn’t know you could do that to video! Guess it’s never too late to learn.

  5. Mildred Fierce says:

    Britney’s trying to eat her way off the fame treadmill to privacy and freedom.

  6. Milk says:

    Remember when lovely southern peach Britney was goin off the deep end and tabloids informed us that she was speaking in a bizarre British accent? Well it creeps me out to no avail to hear her new single ‘work bitch’ in which she says “work bitch” in said creepy bizarre British accent :-/

  7. Milk says:

    Regardless I think she looks hot, like an actual human, pre airbrushing. And like a latex cast non-human mannequin (fuck doll?) post airbrushing :-p

    • twiggy twiggy says:

      Agreed. The only problem I have with the original shots was that the clothes weren’t a good fit. Hell, she didn’t have to wear bedazzled bikinis and then be dragged through the ringer with these before-and-after shots, and she doesn’t have to cover up by any means, but why not dress her in something that actually FITS her? Britney herself looks good. I actually think this humanizes her and doesn’t perpetuate any preconceived notions of Brit that we clung to for so long.

      Speaking of mannequins, in the “finished” clip, she looks more like an “idealized” (whatever that means) drawn-on figure of herself on Japanese body pillows.

      I think I’ll skip my salad lunch today and have a Reuben sandwich in solidarity. :)

  8. Aisling O'Connor says:

    ‘cut a picture of an oligarch’s bedroom from Vogue Interiors and pretend to everyone that that’s where I slept’ – LOL du jour.

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