The Week That Was – ‘Gifts’: Rita Ora’s Material Hurl

Oh gawd: Ora was at it again this week. Having completed her target number of retinal burns on this side of the Atlantic, she crossed it to re-commence her Blinding-People-With-The-Sheer-Hideousness-Of-My-Clothes project in the US. To be fair, she’s started fairly mildly by wearing something quite acceptable:  here she is in Macy’s in NYC passing some crabs on to Father Christmas. Doesn’t he look thrilled? Anyway, this is really the calm before the storm, as she’s gone to America to promote the Material Girl line of clothes – over the coming days, watch her find the most hideous things in that collection and then wear them all wrong. I don’t know what Madonna was thinking of when she appointed Ora to this ambassadorial-like role: maybe Madge was momentarily deprived of oxygen in some complicated Ashtanga yoga move, when Ora’s people called (again) begging for a job, and Madge’s assistant just roared “Yes!” down the phone before she ran to get the emergency cylinder of Kabbalah Oxygen. Whatevs.  Point is, I’m giving Rita a mirror for Christmas – and I just hope she uses it. Apparently, a day later, when in Miami, Rita collapsed and had to be rushed to hospital.  Doctors cited dehydration, but I’m betting on ‘Just-Caught-A-Glimpse-Of-My-Reflection’ as being the cause of her malady.  It’s a bit like self-harming, but with clothes… Gifs via http://theantipodeanhomo.tumblr.com

About Ant0scar

Ant0scar first came to prominence as the inspiration behind Roland Mouret’s White Collection. Having subsequently turned his attention to writing, he has been twice nominated as best writer on Bohomoth and hopes to soon turn his love of short stories into a Day-Time Emmy Award, an Oscar and possibly a Grammy. When he’s not negotiating lower sauvignon blanc prices, Ant0scar enjoys socializing with Kate Moss, street-dancing and advanced dressage. He lives in exile with his husband on a barge with four imaginary Great Danes, a tarantula and a cardboard cut-out of Beyoncé. He must never be challenged...
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2 Responses to The Week That Was – ‘Gifts’: Rita Ora’s Material Hurl

  1. Jen Paul says:

    Ha! every single word of this is absolute comedy perfection. Genius werq Ant0! xx

  2. supercalafragalisticexpialadoshus says:

    Can you give Santa a lice comb for his beard before he has kids sit on his knee this weekend? (is that still even legal?)

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