5 Surprising Celebrity Godparents

It’s that time of year when pantomimes are big business in this part of the world.  “Oh no, they aren’t!”  “Oh yes, they are!” etc. For those of you not in the know, a traditional panto is a kind of musical comedy popular around Christmastime that’s usually centred on a famous children’s fairytale. It always includes a dame (a straight bloke dressed as a woman: I know – hilarious, right?), a pretty girl/boy and a godmother.  As you’ve probably picked up on by now, I would rather have my fingernails pulled out by a blind, pliers-wielding nun than sit through a pantomime. This hatred could stem from the fact that I had really lousy godparents so I just don’t feel that connection with the godmother character; or maybe just that I hate musical theatre.  Anyway, it got me thinking about how important godparents can be…to illustrate the point, I’d like you to turn your attention to some celebrity illustrations… 1.       Miley Cyrus and Dolly Parton Dolly Yes, I know it’s hard to fathom, but Dolly Parton really is Miley’s godmother.  Never has Dolly’s quote about it “taking a lot of money to look this cheap made as much sense as when I clap (appropriate choice of word, methinks) eyes on Miley Eejit.  But bless Dolly: she’s always there to stick up for her urchin of a goddaughter.  In a recent interview, Dolly said that: “If she needs my opinion on something I will surely give it and there have been times we’ve talked…But I would never dream of calling her and saying, ‘Well why are you doing this?’ or, ‘You shouldn’t do this or that’”.  I don’t know about you, but I read that as “I think she’s an eejit, but I keep my opinion to myself” – which is exactly what a good godparent should do.  I’m hoping to meet Dolly next year and if I do, I’m going to try and get the inside scoop.  Watch this space… 2.       Cara Delevingne and Joan Collins Joan I have written about this before, but I bring it up again because it really does seem too good to be true.  I mean, with Joan Collins as a godmother, how could you not end up being a supermodel?  Again, Joan plays this role wonderfully and doesn’t butt in when Cara is spotted leaving the house with a bag or marching powder, or is seen making a t1t of herself with Rita Ora.  No, Joan keeps a safe distance: she jets in for 21st birthday parties, offers support when asked, but otherwise keeps a dignified silence.  I suspect she might publicly lend more support when – God help us all – Cara launches her acting career in earnest, but let’s hope that day remains a long way off... 3.       Paul Newman and Jake Gyllenhaal Paul and Jake Gylenhaal Jake Gyllenhaal is kind of easy to hate isn’t he?  The not-very-ugly star seems to have it all: the looks, the career, the money, the coolness, etc.  Not only that, but he has A-list godparents, which I’m sure didn’t hurt as he tried to break into the movies.  I’ve called out Paul Newman as being his godfather – the man gave him his first driving lesson, FFS! – but Jamie Lee Curtis is also his godmother.  This represents some seriously cool, Machiavellian style networking.  And it doesn’t stop there – Jake himself is now godfather to Matilda Ledger – the late Heath and Michelle Williams’ daughter.  With a pedigree like that, if Matilda hasn’t bagged her first Oscar by the time she’s 20, we really need to convene a world summit to figure out what’s gone wrong… 4.       Stephen Spielberg and Drew Barrymore Steven Now we all know that Drew was born into an acting dynasty, and you probably already knew that Steven is her godfather, but did you know that Sophia Loren is her godmother?  This seems unduly unfair – how much good luck does one person need?  I wonder what they gave her for birthday presents growing up?  Jealous?  Me?  YES!  With godparents like that, Drew is definitely on a par with Jake, although Jake undoubtedly looks better with a beard… 5.       Simon Pegg and Apple Martin Simon I leave you, gentle reader, with a weird one.  You might already know that Spielberg also acts as godfather to IT’S GWIIIN, but did you know who The Goop and Chris chose to be daughter Apple’s godfather?  You probably think they went down the same road that Brad and Ange did with the twins and just speed-dialled Bono to do the deed, but no…Gwyneth and Chris asked ‘comedy legend’ Simon Pegg to step in.  Poor Apple!  Personally, I’d have preferred if they’d asked fellow comedian Lee Mack to have done the honours, because at least if anything fatal ever happens to Gwyn’n’Chris (*crosses fingers*) and their Spanish-speaking daughter has to go and live with Lee, ‘Apple Mack’ has a much nicer ring to it… Merry Christmas y’all…!

About Ant0scar

Ant0scar first came to prominence as the inspiration behind Roland Mouret’s White Collection. Having subsequently turned his attention to writing, he has been twice nominated as best writer on Bohomoth and hopes to soon turn his love of short stories into a Day-Time Emmy Award, an Oscar and possibly a Grammy. When he’s not negotiating lower sauvignon blanc prices, Ant0scar enjoys socializing with Kate Moss, street-dancing and advanced dressage. He lives in exile with his husband on a barge with four imaginary Great Danes, a tarantula and a cardboard cut-out of Beyoncé. He must never be challenged...
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5 Responses to 5 Surprising Celebrity Godparents

  1. Jen Paul says:

    Wow! I had NO idea that Miley and Dolly and Joan and Cara were actual real things- I thought them being their godmothers was a joke. Funny how loads of mums wanted Mr. Spielberg as a godparents for their kid- he’s Goop’s godfather too. =Career ops and great pressies for life!

  2. Kate says:

    I can never get over how weird looking Apple is. Such unfortunate eyes – touch of strabismus?

    • Jen Paul says:

      haha. I just think she’s basically Gwyneth in waiting. When she was preg she probs went through the scanners several times to remove any trace of Martin genes.

  3. Fork in hell says:

    oooooooowuh!. I want Joanie as a godmother! no fair!

  4. milk says:

    drew barrymore is the godmothers of frances bean cobain

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