FILLING OUT ANGELINA’S SIDE OF THE CHURCH: BILLY BOB THORNTON WANTS TO ATTEND THE JOLIE-PITT NUPTIALS

Billy Bob Thornton has revealed he’d be happy to go to ex-wife Angelina Jolie’s wedding and effectively fill out her side of the church – given that Jon Voight and James haven will be notably absent and she doesn’t really have any actual friends due to the fact that she has a nasty habit of stealing other women’s husbands.

If she’s worrying about making up the figures when they do marry, all Ange has to do is invite every single person in Hollywood (and elsewhere) that she’s slept with and the nuptials would be heaving with guests- as once they’re married Brad’s going to be practically related to pretty much anyone with a SAG card and a few high-up people in the UN.

Interesting Billy’s up for going though, as not only was eleven-year-old Maddox once named ‘Thornton-Jolie’, his former father for now alluded in the past that sh&gging Ange was like boffing a sofa: ”Sex doesn’t have to be with a model to be good. Sometimes with the model, the actress or the ‘sexiest person in the world’, it may literally be like fucking a couch,” he told Esquire magazine.

Mind you, if I had a fifty-something frantically sweating and doing sexual gymnastics on top of me in a bid to impress, I’d lie there like a board, assuring him that all women want one-minute wonders in the sack and not to ever try Viagra.

Cut to the present day and the former Mr. Jolie’s telling TMZ: “I don’t go out of town much… but yeah, you never know, I’d be happy to… I’d be more than happy to, absolutely.”

I actually don’t think Angie would invite him as Brad’s already said it’s family only and by that he means family whose surname happens to be ‘Pitt’.

But as I’ve said before, they do still see each other when they’re in the same city at the same time.

I’d actually even go so far as to say that the 57-year-old oddball actor is one of Jolie’s only true friends to this day.

It was Billy-Bob who told her to accept Brad’s proposal this year, as since he first proposed in 2005 when she was ‘knocked up’ with Shiloh, she’s always thought that by saying no it would somehow make Pitt think he’d have to work that bit harder at the relationship, or something (working out Jolie logic is like arguing with a drunk- totally fruitless).

When she was filming Salt in New York a few months after giving birth to the twins, Angelina invited Billy-Bob to her hotel to meet them and they still talk regularly on the ‘phone with her seeking out advice from her ex-hubby rather than talking to Brad about whatever’s eating her (insert own joke: here).

That’s the thing about father-figures – it’s always better to keep them at the end of the telephone to give you their opinion and take it as needed, rather than to steal them from their fiancé at the time and marry them then divorce them because of their indifference to the child you adopted from Cambodia against their advice and their problems with prescription pills and alcohol abuse, isn’t it, eh Ange?