PRE-LIFE CRISIS: MILEY CYRUS SAYING ADIEU TO DISNEY ONE CROTCH GRAB AT A TIME

When I was young I thought that getting older was all about fighting wrinkles, weight gain, and your body generally not liking you anymore. Though most of that is true, I was yet to discover in my mid-thirties the joy that is judging young people.

Miley Cyrus rocked it out at VH1 Divas 2012 in California last night in a look and performance that succeeded in erasing any memory of Hannah Montana.

That’ll do it – a crotch grab in a cropped studded leather jacket and low-rise skinny leather pants.

As a real grown-up I can only laugh and point and think back to when I thought I was one of the big girls, and was the sexiest thing going.

It’s a fairly fierce look. Gaga would wear this to buy cigarettes at the corner, Madonna could tour in it. Miley looks a little ridiculous however. Leather and studs require a little more life experience than 20 years.

Britney and Xtina both went through this phase. The former ended up as a near-basket case and the latter skankified herself for life.

Oh, and Miley wore some stupid looking Norma Kamali ’SEE I’m not wearing underwear. TALK ABOUT ME’ dress.

I’ll talk about you, girl. You need to grow some length back into the top of your hair, and never wear a midi hemline again.

When I think about it, I wouldn’t enjoy laughing at 20-somethings if I hadn’t made such a spanner of myself in the same decade of my life.

So go on, Miley. You’ll be rolling on the floor at the next generation in about 15 years, shuddering slightly at the thought of millions watching your pre-life crisis.