AS HER PLAY ‘DEAD ACCOUNTS’ GETS BINNED, WHAT’S NEXT FOR RENT-A-BRIDE KATIE HOLMES?

Oh dear. Looks like it’s back to the drawing board for Katie Holmes as she sets about reinventing herself post the whole pretending to be happily married to STRAIGHT actor Tom Cruise thing.

Her Broadway play “Dead Accounts” was more aptly-named than they realised as it’s been cancelled after just six weeks – due to a failure to put bums on any more than 38.1% of available seats.

So what’s next for the 34-year-old former bride of $cientology?

Well, there’s her clothing line Holmes & Yang, which currently has just six stockists worldwide.  And, according to imdb, she has an untitled project with Jean ‘Big Blue’ Reno about Memorial Day – which I think was the one she was filming right before her lightening-fast divorce from fauxsband Tom in the 2013 works – and something called “Responsible Adults” which has three question marks next to it.

Much like Katie’s own future.

I suppose with ‘professional beard’ being on her resume for the years 2006-12, her options are now as limited as when she met Tom thumb and pulled up to their first sushi in the sky date in a rubbish-filled dented BMW.

What she ought to do is round up Pacey, Dawson and Jen and do a thirty-something Dawson’s Creek.

It’d be great. They could all sit around navel-gazing as they drink red wine, fall into each others’ beds, chat about the trials and tribulations of parenthood, marriage, failed dreams and expectations as they stare middle-age in the face with the landscape markedly different from how they had hoped it would be back in those early hopeful days when they first met as teenagers. It’d write itself.

PS: Katie’s got that ‘I’m being sh&gged after years of not getting any’ glow, hasn’t she? That or she invested in a vibrator for Christmas.