I bet that Shawn Holley was sitting at home, glass of Merlot in hand chucking popcorn and snorting with laughter at the Lindsay Lohan court hearing live stream yesterday (this one is regarding lying to cops last summer).
The day’s Lohan entertainment kicked off when dynamic-duo Lindsay and Dina Lohan (Ab Fab on meth) turned up at court after spending the night getting turned away from both Shutters On The Beach and Loewes hotels (she trashed the former and they didn’t want her at the latter) before finally getting a room at the Beverly Hills Hotel.
Well done. In a town where pimps and drug dealers book rooms by the hour, Lindsay’s no longer welcome. But she managed to get her sponsor to buy her a Chanel dress, Louboutins shoes and Céline shades to wear for yesterday’s appearance when they were spotted out shopping on Saturday. I dread to think what humiliations she had to endure to pay for that outfit.
As well as her mother (and I use the term loosely), Lindsay had her new lawyer in tow – who from now on will be known as ‘My Cousin Vinny’ (thanks to TMZ) and had a Louis Vuitton monogrammed brief case which had a lucky rabbit’s foot attached to it.
Someone’s not confident in his own legal powers of persuasion.
Once in court, My Cousin Vinny tried to flatter the judge (I’ll bet when he was young he learned thanks to his correspondence course long-distance legal school that you could just call a lady judge ‘pretty’ and she’d swoon like a fragile flower and bang the gavel and yell: ‘Not Guilty, Case Closed!’) but she wasn’t having it, then she took a jab at Sick Note-han (saying: ‘I’m glad to see you’re feeling better’) before announcing she’ll be retiring before Lindsay’s case goes to trial.
She even added pointedly that she didn’t plan it that way, in case any of us where leaping to that conclusion.
A future trial date was set and Lindz and Dina went off to call their LA drug dealers, drink the mini- bar at their hotel dry before re-filling all the bottles with water and claiming they didn’t touch it and it must have been the maid before they check out (probably).
They also took time to congratulate Michael Lohan for fathering future doomed boy human-being Landon Lohan – who chose his big sister’s court date to pop out of former Star magazine reporter mommy Kate Major’s legs on the other side of town.
I’ll bet once they were on their fifth bump and the vodka was kicking in that Dina consoled Lindsay by telling her Mike will always prefer her out of all his children because she’s the one that earns him the most money before patting her on the head.
Lindsay looks f-cked the poor thing. She’s 26. I know forty-plus year olds who have less wrinkles and bloat.
She’s got two new tattoos – one I’m convinced was done to cover up track marks on her inner-upper arm with ‘What dreams may come’ underneath it, and another on her hand which reads: ‘I leave before being left. I decide’ – it’s a Bridget Bardot quote and we all know where that attitude got her (running a dog home on her own in the Var area of France).
Seeing those images of her being escorted into court yesterday reminded me of another high-profile court case.
As well as the obvious lifestyle similarities, Lindsay’s lawyer’s at about the same level of creepy and questionable talent as Anna Nicole’s was, isn’t he?