Oh dear. Take off the over-exaggerated arse and the ridiculous ‘dontcha want to f-ck me, dontcha? dontcha?’ open-mouthed expression on your face and step away from the red carpet, Rita Ora, you are NOT Jennifer Lopez.
The 22-year-old Spare Rihanna rocked up at the BRIT awards in London last night looking as if a bridesmaid outlet store in Nevada had contracted food poisoning and vomited its worst elements all over her.
Peach satin? – Check.
Weird bows and swirls? – Check.
Hint of a tit and tattoos copied from Rihanna?- Check and check.
But whilst your poor retinas ache from casting your eyes over her, spare a thought for this unfortunate gentleman below.
His job for the evening was to follow Rita around, making sure that the Ulyana Sergeenko ‘couture’ (translation: no-one else gets to wear this- phew) dress didn’t end up wrapped around her ears before she was flat on her back on the bed of a Mayfair hotel with some coked-up record exec. from the after-party flailing frantically on top of her.
Can you face looking at how she decided to dress for the Sony after-party at The Arts Club?
Oh dear. More overwhelming stench de J-Lo wafting from Little Miss Ora-fying sense of style. The Jolie-leg outing of this time last year has a lot to answer for.
I presume that Rita went to one of those drag Queen make-over stores in Covent Garden that promise to ‘bring out the woman in you’ whilst preparing for the BRITS.
After being caught red-handed doing the walk of shame out of David Beckham’s football agent Dave Gardner’s West London home on Tuesday morning, one can only assume that Rita’s brief lipstick lesbian phase is over and she’s back to dressing like a Jay-Z groupie.