Do you remember that hilarious child prodigy kid with an out-of-control hairy mop James Harries who was an antique expert at the age of four and then went on to become an adult transsexual named Lauren?
Well she’s been on the UK’s Big Brother reality TV show this week (pictured below) and she decided that now was the perfect time to reveal that she once shagged Russell Brand.
As you do.
Lauren told The Daily Star of the 2006 liaison that happened after she appeared as a guest on Big Brother’s Big Mouth (which was a programme that the sex mad comic hosted in the UK back in the day):
“I felt a surge of electricity. I had sex with Russell.
“I knew it would take a man with real awareness and strength to take me on. And now Russell Brand was calling.”
Apparently he wasn’t that good in the sack, but I can totally see this happening – I’ve always got a bi-curious vibe from Russell and I suppose that at least he can say that technically Lauren was a chick without a dick so it’s all good (in his weird macho mind).
However, what I’d love to see is Katy Perry’s face as she read this story about her ex-hubby (because you just know she’s the type to still have him on google alerts). Most of her best friends are gay and so technically, she’s going to be fist bumping Lauren for bedding her former bloke. But a part of her’s going to be crest-fallen and she’ll be thinking that it’s just yet more evidence that, like Lauren, she was just another notch on the Brand bedpost.
And, don’t we all want to imagine that our other halves, whether former or not, found us just a little bit special and they were a little bit discerning when they found us worthy of a regular roll in the hay rather than seeing everyone as a sort of sexual experiment?
Personally, I think Lauren’s adorable and far less irritating and far more interesting than the Robert Pattinson/ John Mayer shagging Perry. Check out the video below of her in her antique expert glory day if you don’t believe me…